I can sometimes feel my wings hurting in my shoulder blades. Like every part of me that has been amputated, they feel exhausting and touchable like they're still there. I look at my scars in the mirror and refuse to recognize the bearer of the dark rings staring at me through the impersonal glass. The gnurls, the places where they cut me off are hideos and repulsive. The memory of a faultless concept burdens every thought and conquers every trace of hope suffocating it. The frustration and the guilt knit around the shame are too heavy to carry around the places where they expect me to come and act. To teach them about life and love and and feelings and war analyzing it all like a perfect mathematical tool with a sole purpose to please. I am a humbug in my own body, rapped in flesh, my face my own mask. I pretend. I lick my wounds before I come to you, swallowing my blood. I am the product of a continous act of spurn. I repress the urge to take away the lives of those that threw this upon me. To kill myself and others. I breathe twice as slow, I hurt twice as much. The helpless screaming I hold in my mind kept me awake for the last century. I hear the roars of panic, the yelling, the cries of despair. I am paralyzed with fear. I can feel what's left of my body and the cold tears running down my face for I can not control my soul trying to escape. If there was a God I would ask for forgiveness. Like an ancient prayer I hear the dreams of mankind as they are given birth. But they are build around a false idol and they shred to pieces burring mothers and children underneath the chaos. The ruins, the void, what's left of them all silenced the place. Darkened the place. I can not ask for forgiveness because I am not willing to forgive others. I would bring pain and destruction until everyone would have payed the rightful price. And as they expect me to answer their questions and bring light to their lives, I will smile with sorrow for I will feel the taste of blood on my tongue and the wings I do not have anymore hurt me as they try to spread.
